What Friends Are For
by AlchemyOtaku0922
Summary: I have a plan. I'm going to do it tonight. I'll take a whole bottle of pills and this nightmare people call life will be over. I'll finally be at peace. Oneshot. Rated for mentions of suicide.


**Authors Note: Hey everyone! This is my first Hey Arnold! story. I've been obsessed with the show lately, and I wanted to try to write a fanfic. Feedback is appreciated! Let me know if you want me to write more Hey Arnold!. Enjoy! **

"Arnold?"

I could hear the faint whisper of my name, but I couldn't quite tell or care whom it was coming from. I had tried so hard to push everyone else out so I could focus on my own thoughts swirling around my mind that I didn't recognize any other voices.

"Arnold, man, are you all right?"

The voice became more familiar. It was pulling me out of the self-created darkness of my own mind and back into an even harsher reality.

"Arnold!" The voice called once more. Finally, I snapped out of my trance and saw Gerald, standing next to me, a concerned expression plastered on his face.

"Huh?" I muttered. "Oh, sorry, Gerald. Just kind of zoned out there for a minute."

"You've been doing that all morning," He told me, the concern spreading throughout all his features. "What's up?" When I didn't answer, he continued talking. "I know it's 'cause of the day and all, but even so, you don't usually seem this…depressed. Is there something else going on?"

I cringed at the mention of the date. The anniversary of the day my parents disappeared forever.

"No, I'm all right," I answered automatically. My voice was cold and robotic, there was no truth behind my words. "It's just…you know how I get. I'll be fine by tomorrow." Lies, lies, lies.

"Okay, man," Said Gerald, unconvinced, "but if there's something you need to talk about, I'm here, okay?"

"Of course." I agreed, faking a smile to assure him of my false stability. The bell rang, signaling the start of 6th period. Gerald stood up from the lunch table, shooting me one last worried glance before disappearing into the sea of students in the hall.

After a moment I stood up as well, starting my journey through the vicious jungles of the unforgiving high school, invisible to the rest of my peers. Did they even know I existed? Did they even care whether I did or not? I knew I must be a nuisance to some of them. Maybe what I had planned would be best for everyone.

The first person that came to mind that would be happy I was gone was Helga. She had hated me since we were little kids. She's hated me for as long as Gerald and I have been friends.

Gerald.

Probably the only person who would care. The only person that's going to hurt to leave behind. We've been best friends since we were five. We've been through so much in the past ten years. I began to think about how he's going to react when he finds out, but it brought tears to my eyes, so I instantly dispelled the image.

I looked up and noticed my feet had carried me to my next class. I was about to walk in when none other than Helga Pataki herself pushed past me, going out of her way to shove me. "Move it football head!" She sneered. I didn't even bother to shoot her a glare. I had lost my fight a long time ago.

I took a deep breath and entered the classroom, preparing myself for the rest of the day.

XXX

Gerald and I sat together on the bus, an unnerving silence between us. We were headed to his house. I wanted to go there one last time before I put my plan in action.

I turned my head to study Gerald. He was staring ahead, trying not to look at me. I could tell he was trying to come off calmer than he really felt. He knew something was wrong with me, but I wondered if he knew what.

_I wonder if he can somehow sense it…_I physically shook my head. _No, probably not, or he would've said something by now. _

I knew I couldn't tell him. He would try to stop me. I mean, he was my best friend, of course he wouldn't want me to do it. He wouldn't want me to kill myself.

But he couldn't possibly understand. He didn't know how much pain I secretly held. It wasn't just about my parents. It was everything.

As much as I loved my grandma and grandpa, they just couldn't replace my mom and dad. It wasn't the same. I had always felt that way. But, still, even though there was a part of me that was always empty, I pushed it down. I focused all my energy on others, worrying about _their _problems, worried about helping _them._ I never tried to help _myself_. I helped everyone _but_ myself.

And now, because of this, the feeling has grown and grown, gotten worse over the years. Now the emptiness consumes me. I'm stuck in a pit of despair I can see no escape from. And, even now, I still don't show my pain, because I wouldn't want to make someone else fret over me. Why should they? There's nothing they can do anyway. It's hopeless. I'm a lost cause.

So I have a plan. I'm going to do it tonight. I'll take a whole bottle of pills and this nightmare people call life will be over. I'll finally be at peace.

"Arnold, we're here."

I jumped a little at Gerald's voice, but quickly composed myself, out of fear that sad, worried expression would appear on his face once again.

Once we got inside his house, we quickly said our hello's to his family and immediately went up to his room.

"So what do you want to do?" Gerald asked, sitting down his bed.

"I don't care." I replied apathetically.

Gerald sighed. "Okay, Arnold. What's up?"

"I told you, nothing." I insisted, a sense of panic beginning to wash over me.

"Come on, man, you can't fool me," His voice got softer. "There's something wrong. You can tell me."

I bit my lip nervously. There was an anxiety growing inside of me, a part of me that wanted to tell him everything. That small part wanted to _let_ him save me. But I couldn't. I had gone so long keeping it all inside that it seemed nearly impossible to speak up now.

"There's nothing to tell." I choked out.

"Yes there is!" Gerald exclaimed. "You're hiding something from me!"

We were both silent for a moment. I stared at him, shocked by his sudden outburst.

"I…I'm sorry," He apologized, dropping his volume considerably. "It's just…I don't understand what you could be hiding from your best friend." I could see tears tinting his eyes, and I instantly felt horrible. This isn't what I wanted. This isn't what I wanted at all.

"Gerald, please," I walked over and sat down next to him. "Please try to understand. It's not that I'm keeping secrets from you it's just…"

"It's just what?" He spat bitterly.

I was silent. I didn't know what to tell him. I _was _lying to him. I _was _keeping a secret. A _huge _secret.

Gerald suddenly stood up and reached for his phone. "I'm calling your grandpa and telling him that you're staying here tonight."

"What?" I snapped immediately. He can't. "Why?"

"Something's not right," Gerald explained. "I have a bad feeling something's going to happen. I don't want you to be alone tonight."

So he _can _sense it. He just doesn't know what _it _is.

"Th-that's okay, Gerald," I stuttered nervously, desperately searching for an excuse. If I'm at Gerald's, I can't go through with my plan. "I…I have homework I need to do and-"

"Hello? Phil?" Gerald spoke into the phone. I glared angrily at him. Once he had his mind set on something, there was no stopping him.

"Yeah, it's Gerald," He continued. "I just wanted to tell you Arnold's going to stay here tonight…yeah…all right…bye." Gerald hung the phone up and looked back at me. "Are you going to tell me what's going on yet?"

I stared at him in disbelief. He really did care a lot about me. He was determined to find out what was happening and maybe…maybe I should tell him. Tell him everything. Confess all the things I've been keeping bottled up for so long. The thought of it filled me with a sense of relief.

_Maybe if I tell him this burden will finally be lifted. _I thought. _Maybe I don't even need to do it. Maybe he can help me. _

I looked up at him one last time. I trust Gerald. I can tell him.

I opened my mouth, fully prepared to tell him my suicide plan, but before I could utter a syllable Gerald's father's voice boomed from downstairs. "Boys! Dinner!"

I closed my mouth and Gerald and I stared at each other a few moments before Gerald called back, "Coming!"

"After dinner." I told him. Gerald nodded in understandingly.

XXX

All throughout dinner Gerald kept glancing at me. It made me even more nervous about what I had to tell him. There was no going back now, though. I had already promised to tell him. I couldn't say it was nothing now.

Oh, God, what have I gotten myself into?

"Are you boys okay?" Gerald's mother asked. We hadn't said a word the whole time.

"Yeah, we're fine," Gerald answered. "We're going back upstairs now, okay?"

"All right. Don't stay up too late tonight." His father warned.

"We won't!" He called, dragging me up the stairs with him.

As soon as we got upstairs and Gerald shut his bedroom door, he turned around and stared at me expectantly. I knew I couldn't avoid it any longer. It was time.

I sat down on his bed, placing my head in my hands, trying to think of the right way to tell him.

"Okay," I breathed. "So…lately I've been really depressed. And…a couple months ago, I came up with this plan."

"Plan?" Gerald questioned. "What kind of plan?"

I was quiet for a minute. The words were on my tongue, but I just couldn't bring myself to say them.

"Arnold?"

I sighed and closed my eyes even harder. I bowed my head, so I didn't have to see his reaction when I told him.

"A suicide plan." I finished.

It was completely silent aside from the ticking of a clock from somewhere in Gerald's room. I focused on that sound, instead of the voices screaming at me in my head, telling me it was a mistake to say that. How stupid could I be? There's no way Gerald will let me get away with it now. I just ruined everything.

After minutes had passed by without Gerald saying anything, my curiosity got the best of me, and I dared to look up. He was staring at me in shock, his mouth parted slightly open as if he wanted to say something but didn't know what. Finally, he managed to repeat, "Suicide?"

"Yeah," I confirmed. "Suicide." My voice was so quiet and shaky it was barely audible, but Gerald still understood.

He quietly sat down on his bed next to me, staring at the ground, lost in thought. "What kind of plan?" He wondered.

"Well…" I started. "I found this bottle of sleeping pills in the bathroom at home and…I was going to take them…" I paused for a second, trying to blink back tears, "…and I wanted to do it tonight because…this is the date…my parents…"

"It's okay, Arnold," Gerald whispered. "I get it. You don't have to say anymore."

"I thought it would be fitting." I finished.

Gerald looked at me with pain-filled eyes. "So why do you even want to do this?" He asked.

"I…I'm in more pain then it looks like," I began. "I've always felt so sad and empty, but I ignored those feelings because…I guess because I just didn't want to deal with them, or admit I had them. I just pushed them away for so long and they just kept getting bigger and bigger and now…"

"They're too big for you to handle." Gerald finished.

I looked at him in surprise. "Exactly." I didn't think he could possibly understand. That's why I had never told him.

When Gerald didn't say anything else, I asked, "Are you mad at me?"

"Of course not," Gerald answered immediately. "How can I be mad at my best friend for something like this? I'm just a little hurt you didn't tell me…but I understand."

I smiled weakly at him.

"But if you think I'm going to let you do it, you're crazy." He added.

My smile instantly faded. "Well…what are you going to do?" I questioned.

Gerald thought for a moment. "I'm going to help you. We can get through this, Arnold. You're stronger than you think. You've proved that before."

"No." I stated.

"No?" Gerald looked at me, surprised.

"It's hopeless, Gerald," I reasoned. "There's no point in trying-"

"Of course there's a point!" He exclaimed. "Am I just supposed to sit back and let my best friend die?"

"Shut up!" I whispered as loudly as possible. "Someone will hear you!"

Gerald stared at me, that determined look settling on his face again. "I'm not going to let you die." He reiterated, in a much more quiet voice.

"Fine," I muttered. "But what can you do about it? I can't live like this anymore."

"You won't _have _to," Gerald promised. "Like I said, I'm going to help you."

I contemplated this for a minute. "Okay. So how do you plan on doing this?" I asked.

"First, you gotta tell your grandparents." He stated.

"What? No!" I instantly argued. "They can't know about this!"

"Yes, Arnold!" Gerald insisted. "They're the ones they can get you help! Plus, I won't always be able to be with you. When I'm not, they can be. You always need people around you that are willing to help. You can't get better if we don't tell them."

"Fine," I hesitantly agreed. "I don't like it though."

"You're not going to like a lot of this," Gerald told me, "but it's what's gotta be done. You can't kill yourself, and you can't keep living like this. The only option is to fix it, and the road to recovery ain't easy."

"I guess you're right…" I mumbled, "but will you at least be there when I tell them? I don't know if I can do it by myself."

"Of course, man. You know I'm always here for you."

I smiled, but this time it was real. It was my first genuine smile in a long time.

"You're going to be okay." Gerald told me.

"I know." I said. And I believed it to. I knew Gerald would help me, no matter what. He was my best friend, and he would always be there for me. It was silly of me not to tell him earlier. I believed he wouldn't stop until I was happy again, and I appreciated him so much for that.

We're going to get through this, together.

**Authors Note: Did you like it? I'm thinking about writing another one, that show's Helga's view. What do you guys think? Please let me know! **


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